Register Slips and Connector Logic in a Formal Email
In a mock writing task, students must write a 120-word email to the town hall in Málaga asking about a volunteer programme for a school exchange. One script opens: 'Hey guys, I'm writing to ask about the volunteering stuff.' It uses 'besides' to add a second question, 'on the other hand' to add another similar question, and ends 'Can't wait to hear from you!!'. The grammar is otherwise accurate, and the indirect questions are correctly formed ('Could you tell me when the programme starts?'). The teacher must decide whether to treat these as register errors, cohesion errors, or both, and whether the script can still reach the top band, whose descriptor requires 'appropriate register and effective use of connectors'.
1. Classify each issue in the script as register, cohesion, or grammar, and say which should be prioritised in feedback.
Read the worked answer
Register: 'Hey guys' (informal address to a public institution), 'stuff' (vague informal lexis), 'Can't wait to hear from you!!' (chatty tone and exclamation marks). Contractions such as 'I'm' are borderline: acceptable in many emails, but in a formal request to a town hall the safer choice is the full form. Cohesion: 'besides' is additive but informal and can imply 'anyway'; 'on the other hand' signals contrast, so using it for a second similar question is a logical error, not a stylistic one. Grammar: none of note; the indirect questions are correct. Priority: register first, because it affects the whole text and the reader's impression, then the connector logic. Correct the 'on the other hand' error explicitly, since it is a meaning error that examiners frequently test.
2. Rewrite the opening and the two connector sentences so that they fit a formal email.
Read the worked answer
Opening: 'Dear Sir or Madam, I am writing to enquire about the volunteer programme for our school exchange.' Connector 1 (addition): 'In addition, could you tell me whether accommodation is provided for students?' Connector 2 (addition, not contrast): 'I would also like to know how students can apply.' Closing: 'I look forward to hearing from you. Yours faithfully,' (or 'Yours sincerely,' if a name is known). The rewrite keeps the same content but changes three things: address form, lexical precision ('enquire about' rather than 'ask about ... stuff'), and connector choice. Note that 'besides' is not replaced by another informal additive; 'in addition' and 'also' do the same job in a neutral register. This shows students that cohesion and register are separate decisions that must both be made.
3. Can the script reach the top band? Justify the placement and state what would move it up.
Read the worked answer
No. The top-band descriptor requires appropriate register and effective connectors, and the script fails both consistently: the informal address and closing frame the whole text, and one connector is logically wrong. It should sit in the middle band, with credit for clear purpose, correct indirect questions and a recognisable email frame. To move up, the student needs a consistent formal address and closing, neutral lexis, and connectors that match the relation between ideas (addition vs contrast). A useful classroom rule is 'one register decision at the start, then keep it': choose the salutation and closing first, and let the vocabulary follow. Markers should not average away a register failure because the grammar is good; the descriptor names register as a condition, not an optional extra.