Listens Actively
What you must know
Active listening is the coach's primary instrument. It means hearing not only content but emotion, values, beliefs, meaning, metaphors, energy shifts, and what is not said - and letting what is heard shape what you do next. Techniques include mirroring key words, paraphrasing, reflecting feeling, summarizing, and integrating several threads. Questions should follow from what was just heard, not from a list.
Levels of listening distinguish hearing through your own filter, listening for the other person's experience, and listening for the wider system and context. The exam rewards the second and third.
Traps
- Parroting without processing - repeating words with no added understanding.
- Interpreting instead of reflecting: turning the client's statement into the coach's theory.
- Leading reflections that smuggle a judgement, such as 'so you feel guilty about that' when guilt was never named.
- Over-summarizing to demonstrate competence, which can take the client out of their own experience.
- Asking a second question before the first has been answered.
Worked example
Client: 'I have to be perfect or they will find out I don't belong.' A weak response is 'Have you considered that perfectionism is holding you back?' - that is advice. A strong one reflects the client's own words and then asks: 'What is it like to carry that have-to every day?' The client hears themselves and goes further.
Rule of thumb
Reflect first, then ask. If your next question could have been asked before the client spoke, you probably were not listening.