Rewriting an ICU visiting notice
The nursing superintendent of a 400-bed hospital has received 12 complaints in a month about crowding in the intensive care unit (ICU) corridor during visiting time. She drafts this notice for the main gate and ward boards:
'All the relatives of patients are hereby informed that visiting hours has been changed from 4 pm to 5 pm only for those patients who are serious and admitted in ICU, and they should not bring food items which is not allowed, and please cooperate with the hospital staff, otherwise strict action will be taken.'
She wants one short notice, in plain English, that a worried family can read at the gate; the hospital's actual decision is that ICU visiting is now from 4 p.m. to 5 p.m. only, one visitor per patient, and outside food is not permitted in the ICU. The notice must take effect on 1 August and carry her designation, not her personal name.
1. Identify three grammar or logic faults in the draft, with the correction and the reason.
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- 'visiting hours has been changed' - the subject 'hours' is plural, so it must be 'have been changed'. This is subject–verb agreement.
- 'only for those patients who are serious and admitted in ICU' - 'only' is misplaced and 'serious' is vague; as written the notice says only serious patients have visiting hours. Intent is that the new timing applies to the ICU. Rewrite: 'Visiting hours in the ICU have been changed from 4 p.m. to 5 p.m.' Also, one is admitted 'to' the ICU, not 'in' it.
- 'food items which is not allowed' - 'which' refers to plural 'items', so it needs 'are', and the sentence is circular (food is not allowed because it is not allowed). Rewrite: 'Outside food is not permitted in the ICU.'
- 'All the relatives ... are hereby informed' is archaic and addresses people who may not be visitors; 'otherwise strict action will be taken' is a threat rather than information. A notice should state facts and ask for cooperation.
2. Rewrite the notice in plain English in about 50 words, keeping all the facts.
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Notice: From 1 August, visiting hours in the ICU will be from 4 p.m. to 5 p.m. Only one visitor per patient will be allowed, and outside food is not permitted in the ICU. Please help us keep patients safe and the corridor clear. - Nursing Superintendent.
The rewrite keeps every operative fact (date, time, one visitor, no outside food, ICU), uses parallel short sentences, gives a reason rather than a threat, and signs off by designation so no individual staff member becomes the target of complaints.
3. Choose between 'serious' and 'critically ill', and between 'relatives' and 'visitors' or 'attendants'. Explain the effect on a worried family.
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'Serious' is vague and frightening - a family may read it as 'my relative is dying' - and it makes a clinical judgement the notice does not need. 'Critically ill' is more precise clinically, but it still labels patients in a public notice and can breach privacy. Naming the place ('the ICU') does the same work without labelling anyone, so prefer the location.
'Relatives' is imprecise and excludes friends and neighbours who often act as caregivers. 'Visitors' is neutral and inclusive; 'attendants' names the one person who stays with the patient, which matches the one-visitor rule. For a gate notice, 'visitors' plus 'one visitor per patient' is clearest.
Tone matters too: 'otherwise strict action will be taken' tells a worried family they are suspects. 'Please help us keep patients safe' asks for the same behaviour without hostility, and is more likely to be followed.