Formal letter: register, repetition, and the petition detail
A candidate must write a formal letter in Persian to the headmaster of a college, requesting that the weekly Persian library period be restored. The instructions say 120–150 words, formal salutation, one concrete request, and a closing with name and class. The candidate's draft opens: 'Hi sir, listen, we want library period back because it is very good.' The draft then repeats the same request three times, mixes Hindi words such as 'jaroori' into Persian, and runs to 210 words. The candidate has 20 minutes to rewrite and wants to keep a personal tone without sounding casual. The candidate is also unsure whether to mention that 18 students signed a petition. The candidate must decide what to cut, how to reframe the opening, and whether the petition detail strengthens or weakens the formal request.
1. Rewrite the opening two sentences in formal Persian and explain the register shifts.
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A formal opening: 'به حضور محترم جناب مدیر، سلام علیکم. محترماً به عرض میرساند که دانشجویان این کالج خواهشمندند ساعت کتابخانهٔ فارسی دوباره برقرار شود.'
The shifts are: replace 'Hi sir, listen' with an honorific salutation; replace the imperative 'listen' with the deferential formula به عرض میرساند; replace 'we want' with خواهشمندند; and replace the vague evaluation 'very good' with a specific request. The candidate can still sound personal by using خواهشمندند and by giving one concrete reason in the next sentence, but the opening must establish respect and purpose before emotion.
2. Should the candidate mention that 18 students signed a petition? Decide and justify.
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Yes, but briefly and without pressure. The detail strengthens the request because it shows collective support, not a single student's complaint. The candidate should phrase it as supporting information, for example 'این درخواست به امضای هیجده دانشجو رسیده است', and place it after the main request and reason.
It would weaken the letter if the candidate used it as a threat or repeated it. The candidate should also avoid saying '18 students demand' in an aggressive tone. One clause is enough. If the word limit is tight, keep the petition clause and cut one of the repeated request sentences, because the petition adds evidence while repetition adds nothing.
3. The draft is 210 words. What should be cut first to reach 120–150 words, and what must be kept?
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Cut in this order:
- Repeated request sentences: the same request appears three times; keep one clear request.
- Hindi loanwords: replace jaroori and similar items with Persian equivalents such as ضروری.
- Long preamble: remove general statements about education or the importance of libraries unless they support the specific request.
Keep the formal salutation, one reason, the concrete request, the petition clause if it fits, and the closing with name and class. The candidate should count the closing formula as part of the word limit. A 135-word letter with one request and one supporting detail is stronger than a 210-word letter that repeats itself.