Persian Catalogue Entry with a Shifting Pronoun
A museum is finalizing a Persian catalogue entry for a Qajar lacquer pen box. The draft sentence reads: «مرمتگر به سرپرستِ موزه گفت که او باید پیش از افتتاح، ترکِ سطحِ اثر را بررسی کند و خواهر و برادرِ هنرمند را در شناسنامهٔ اثر ذکر کند.» The editor flags two problems: the pronoun «او» can refer to the restorer or the museum director, and «ترک» can be read as 'crack' or as 'leaving/abandoning' when the vowel is not marked. A second sentence adds a different issue: «پس از مرمت در سال ۱۳۹۸، این اثر در ویترین ۴ به نمایش گذاشته میشود.» The catalogue has a 45-word limit for this entry and must keep the technical term «ترک سطح» (craquelure). The editor wants no passive voice where the agent matters, but the museum's style guide allows passive for display actions.
1. Rewrite the first sentence to remove the pronoun ambiguity and the «ترک» ambiguity, preserving the 45-word limit and the technical term.
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The original has two separate ambiguities. «او» can be the restorer or the director, and «ترک» without a vowel can be read as 'crack' or as 'leaving'. The revision should name the agent of each action and mark the technical term clearly.
A workable revision is: «مرمتگر به سرپرست موزه گفت: پیش از افتتاح، خودش ترکهای سطح اثر را بررسی میکند و سرپرست باید نام خواهر و برادر هنرمند را در شناسنامه ذکر کند.»
This makes the restorer the examiner and the director the person responsible for the catalogue names. «ترکهای سطح» is unambiguous as 'surface cracks', and the technical sense is preserved. If the singular is required, write «ترکِ سطح (craquelure)» with the ezafe and the English term in parentheses. The revision stays well under 45 words.
2. Fix the attachment ambiguity in the second sentence and explain the two possible readings.
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The original is: «پس از مرمت در سال ۱۳۹۸، این اثر در ویترین ۴ به نمایش گذاشته میشود.»
Reading one: the object was restored in 1398, and after that restoration it will be displayed in case 4. Reading two: after restoration-whenever that happened-the object will be displayed in 1398 in case 4. The phrase «در سال ۱۳۹۸» can attach to «مرمت» or to the display event.
A clear revision is: «این اثر که در سال ۱۳۹۸ مرمت شد، در ویترین ۴ به نمایش گذاشته میشود.»
This makes the restoration date explicit and leaves the display time unspecified. If the display is also in 1398, say so separately: «این اثر که در سال ۱۳۹۸ مرمت شد، از همان سال در ویترین ۴ به نمایش گذاشته میشود.»
3. Is the passive «به نمایش گذاشته میشود» acceptable here? When would you switch to active?
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The passive is acceptable for the display action because the agent is obvious and unimportant: the museum is displaying the object, and the sentence's topic is the object. The style guide explicitly allows passive for display actions, so there is no need to force an active construction.
Switch to active when the agent matters or is contested. For example, if the question is who decided to move the object, who restored it, or who wrote the catalogue entry, the passive hides the responsible party. In those cases write «سرپرست موزه تصمیم گرفت...» or «مرمتگر ... را بررسی کرد». The rule is functional: keep the passive when it keeps focus on the object; use the active when the reader needs to know who acted.