A Draft That Misses a Content Point
Third-year students write a short reply as part of the written-expression task. The prompt is an email from Emma, who arrives at the school as an exchange student next week.
Task conditions from the paper: • Write 25–35 words in English. • Use three sentences. • Include all three points: (a) what you did last weekend, (b) one question for Emma about her school, (c) when and where to meet her on her first morning. • Do not write your name or your school's name.
Sota's draft: 'I went to the sea with my family last Sunday. It was very hot but we enjoyed. My school start at 8:30 so please come to the gate at 8:15. I'm looking forward to see you.'
The teacher marks it as not meeting the conditions. Sota has one rehearsal before the real timed task.
1. Which task condition does the draft fail most seriously, and why does that failure outrank the grammar errors?
Read the worked answer
Point (b), the question for Emma, is missing entirely. The draft contains no question mark and asks nothing about her school.
Content points are what markers tick first, and an absent point cannot be recovered by clean grammar. A grammar slip inside a complete answer costs a fraction of a mark; a missing content point usually costs the content mark outright.
Two further conditions also fail. The draft is 41 words against a 35-word limit, and it has four sentences against a limit of three. Points (a) and (c) are present and clear.
The practical order for the timed task: count the content points, count the sentences, count the words - then check grammar with whatever time is left.
2. Correct 'we enjoyed' and 'My school start', explaining each rule in one line.
Read the worked answer
- 'we enjoyed' → 'we enjoyed it' (or 'we enjoyed swimming'). In English, enjoy needs an object. The Japanese equivalent (楽しかった) takes none, so this is a first-language transfer error, not carelessness.
- 'My school start' → 'My school starts'. The subject 'my school' is third-person singular, so the present simple takes -s.
Both fixes also help the word limit. Joining the two ideas with 'so' keeps the meaning while using fewer words than two separate sentences, and 'enjoyed it' is shorter than adding a new clause. Correcting grammar and trimming length can be the same operation.
3. Rewrite the reply so it meets all four conditions, and show your check.
Read the worked answer
Model version:
'I went to the sea with my family last Sunday and enjoyed swimming. What sports do you like at your school? Please come to the school gate at 8:15 on Monday.'
Check:
- Words: 31 - inside 25–35.
- Sentences: three - matches the limit.
- (a) last Sunday at the sea - yes. (b) a question about her school - yes, with a question mark. (c) the gate at 8:15 - yes.
- No name or school name.
Note the two compressions that made room for the question: 'and enjoyed swimming' replaces a separate sentence, and 'Please come to…' replaces 'My school starts at 8:30 so…'. Adding a missing point almost always means cutting words somewhere else rather than writing longer.