Long Enough Is Not the Same as Complete
The writing task says:
'Your English class is making a poster about this summer. Write about what you want to do this summer. Write 20 words or more in English. You must include two of these three points: (a) what you want to do, (b) why, (c) who with.'
Rina's draft:
'I want to go to the sea with my family. I like swimming very much. I want to eat a lot of food. I will enjoy my summer. Please write about your summer.'
She counts 30 words and believes she is safe, because her study group told her that a long sentence with 'very much' and a closing line always gets good marks. Her class checklist has three columns: content (did you include the required points?), length (20 words or more), and accuracy (grammar and spelling). The teacher says the draft is long enough but is still likely to lose content marks.
1. Using the three conditions of the task, identify every reason the draft can lose marks even though it clears the word count.
Read the worked answer
Check each condition separately. The word count is the only one that passes.
| Condition | Status | Evidence |
|---|---|---|
| 20 words or more | pass | about 30 words |
| Two of (a) what / (b) why / (c) who with | partial, and not demonstrably | (a) go to the sea ✔; (c) with my family ✔; (b) no reason is attached to the plan |
| Answer the question asked | fails at the end | the last sentence is not about Rina's summer |
The four specific problems.
- No stated reason. I like swimming very much is a reason only if the reader supplies the link. The task asks Rina to include the point, which means making it visible - a because or so is what a marker looks for. As written, a marker can legitimately say (b) is absent.
- The reason is separated from the plan. The claim is in sentence 1, the possible reason is in sentence 2, and sentence 3 changes topic. The connection has to be built by the reader, in a text that is only four sentences long.
- One sentence is off-topic. I want to eat a lot of food is a second want, not the summer plan, and it competes with the main idea. It adds length and costs focus.
- The last sentence is not Rina's content. Please write about your summer repeats the instruction back to the reader. It earns nothing for content, and on a poster it is addressed to nobody. A memorised closing line borrowed from letter writing is a liability here, not a mark-earner.
One more, on accuracy. I will enjoy my summer is grammatically fine but empty; empty sentences are where students usually make the errors that cost accuracy marks, because there is no content to keep the sentence on track.
2. Rewrite the draft in 25–35 words so that it visibly meets all three conditions, keeping Rina's own ideas. Annotate each part.
Read the worked answer
Model rewrite (27 words).
I want to go to the sea with my family this summer because I like swimming, and I also want to eat a lot of food there.
Annotation.
- I want to go to the sea … this summer → (a) what she wants to do. Keeping this summer ties the sentence to the poster topic instead of leaving it implicit.
- with my family → (c) who with. Taken straight from her draft, so it is still her idea.
- because I like swimming → (b) why. The connector because makes the reason explicit; a marker does not have to infer it. This is the single change that turns a possible point into a certain one.
- and I also want to eat a lot of food there → keeps her third idea, but attaches it with there so it stays inside the summer plan instead of floating as a separate want.
- Deleted: I will enjoy my summer (empty) and Please write about your summer (not her content).
Why one sentence is the right shape here. The task allows two of three points, but including all three in a single linked sentence is cheap and safe: one main clause carries the plan, because carries the reason, the prepositional phrase carries the companion. Rina's four short sentences each need their own grammar decisions, which multiplies the chance of an accuracy error without adding content.
A shorter alternative if she prefers two sentences: This summer I want to go to the sea with my family because I like swimming. I also want to eat a lot of food there. - 25 words, all three points, same content.
3. Rina wants to add 'I will enjoy my summer very much. Please write about your summer.' to be safely over the limit, and she asks whether she can write 'I'll' to save words. Advise her on both points.
Read the worked answer
On adding the two sentences. They raise the count and lower the score.
- Please write about your summer is an instruction, not an answer. It does not describe Rina's summer, so it cannot earn content marks, and it reads as though she has copied the task rather than responded to it.
- I will enjoy my summer very much is filler: it states nothing checkable and adds no point from (a), (b) or (c). Filler also carries accuracy risk - it is the kind of sentence students write quickly and get wrong.
- The word count is a floor, not a target. Once she is over 20 with real content, additional words only help if they add information.
Safer ways to add length that also add marks.
- Add a concrete detail to the plan: I want to swim in the sea every day.
- Add a second, linked reason: … because I like swimming and my sister does too.
- Name the place or the time: We will go in early August. All three are on-topic, add countable words, and are simple enough to keep accurate.
On 'I'll'. Avoid contractions in this task. Two reasons: the counting rule can be read either way (one word or two), so a contraction makes her own word count uncertain right at the 20-word line; and the full form I will is never marked wrong, while a misformed contraction is. Write I will, I want to, we will go in full, and count words by touching each one.
Counting discipline. Numbers, punctuation and the title are not reliable words. Count only the English words of her own sentences, and aim for 25 rather than 20 so that a miscount cannot drop her below the floor.