A response that must use evidence
An invented assignment asks for an opinion on improving a school event. It requires one concrete example and a final paragraph that summarizes the writer's view. A student's notes say that a display table was crowded last year, visitors sometimes waited to read the explanations, and the organizing group now proposes two smaller display areas. The notes contain no measured visitor counts or safety assessment. The student wants to argue that the group should test the new arrangement before deciding permanently. A draft conclusion suddenly introduces the unrelated idea of changing the school uniform. Consider which notes support the proposed trial, what extra observation could evaluate it, and why the new issue weakens the ending. No official character limit or scoring rule is implied by this practice assignment.
1. How can the example support the proposed trial without overstating it?
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Explain the observed crowding and waiting, then propose testing two areas while recording flow and waiting. The notes justify investigating an improvement, not claiming the new layout is already proven.
2. How should the conclusion be revised?
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Remove the unrelated uniform issue and summarize the position supported in the body: trial the arrangement, examine the observations and then decide. Keep the concrete example linked to that conclusion.