Marking a persuasive essay with the rubric in view
You are marking a Year 7 persuasive essay on the topic 'Homework should be banned in secondary school'. The task rubric has five criteria, each worth equal marks: (1) clear position and structure; (2) use of evidence; (3) persuasive devices; (4) cohesion between paragraphs; (5) spelling, punctuation and grammar. One student's essay reads, in full: 'Homework is a waste of time, many students think it is boring. It takes up time after school which could be used for sport. Also teachers have to mark it which is hard. Some students have jobs. In conclusion homework should be banned because it is bad.' The class has been taught how to use research and how to write a counterargument. The student, Eli, usually writes longer drafts, but this one was completed in the last ten minutes of class. You have to give a mark out of five and written feedback that Eli can act on.
1. Which criterion is the weakest in this draft, and which is comparatively the strongest? Justify each judgement with evidence from the text.
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Evidence is clearly the weakest. The essay makes claims about time, marking and jobs but supplies no research, no example, no statistic and no counterargument, even though the class has been taught all three. Position and structure is comparatively the strongest: there is an identifiable position ('should be banned') in the first sentence and restated in the conclusion, so the basic shape is present, even if the body paragraphs are thin. Grammar is also weak because of the opening comma splice, but it contains one clear error rather than being entirely absent. Cohesion is weak because 'Also' is repeated and 'Some students have jobs' appears with no link to the previous point. Naming evidence as the weakest matters because it directs the feedback to the largest gap rather than the easiest error to spot.
2. Identify one grammatical error and one cohesion problem in the draft, and explain how you would explain each fix to Eli.
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The grammatical error is the opening sentence: 'Homework is a waste of time, many students think it is boring' is a comma splice, joining two independent clauses with only a comma. I would ask Eli to read it aloud and notice that two complete sentences have been run together, then choose either a full stop or a semicolon: 'Homework is a waste of time. Many students think it is boring.' The cohesion problem is the jump to 'Some students have jobs', which arrives without a linking sentence explaining why jobs matter for the homework argument. I would show Eli how to add a bridge such as 'For students with after-school jobs, homework also competes with paid work that families rely on.' The aim is to make the connection visible rather than to add more sentences for their own sake.
3. Write the feedback you would give Eli: include the mark out of five and one priority next step, in student-friendly language. Explain why you chose that priority.
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Mark: 2 out of 5. Feedback: 'Eli, your position is clear from your first sentence and your conclusion, which is a real strength. Your next step is evidence: choose one claim, such as homework competing with sport, and add a specific example or statistic, then explain how it supports your argument. Bring your draft to Tuesday's lesson and we will build that paragraph together.' I chose evidence as the priority because it is the largest gap against the rubric and it lifts the whole piece: a single well-explained piece of evidence would also strengthen cohesion and give Eli something to build the counterargument around. Fixing the comma splice is quick and worth doing, but it would not change the essay's main weakness, so it belongs in a second pass.