Directed writing: persuading a council without alienating it
A candidate has 35 minutes to write a 300–400 word letter to the local council opposing the closure of a youth centre. The audience is councillors; the purpose is to persuade. Notes from a public meeting: 120 young people use the centre weekly; closure would save £45,000; the nearest alternative is 40 minutes away by bus; the centre runs a homework club and a mental-health drop-in; the council says the building needs £200,000 of repairs; 300 residents signed a petition. The candidate's draft opens: 'I am writing to express my disagreement with the proposed closure of the youth centre.' It then lists the notes in the order given, ends 'Please reconsider', and uses contractions and exclamation marks. The candidate has not mentioned the repair cost. They ask whether to include it.
1. What are the two most serious weaknesses in the draft's handling of audience and purpose? Justify each.
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First, the opening is a formulaic statement of disagreement rather than a persuasive address to councillors. It does not establish a shared concern (youth provision, public money) or a reason to listen. Second, the draft lists notes in the order given, so it is organised by source rather than by argument. That makes it sound like a complaint rather than a case. The contractions and exclamation marks also lower the register for a formal council audience. The failure to mention the £200,000 repair cost is a missed opportunity: an effective persuader anticipates the council's strongest objection and rebuts it. Without that, the letter can be dismissed as one-sided.
2. Draft a revised opening paragraph and one body paragraph that uses concession and rebuttal, including the repair cost.
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Dear Councillors,
I am writing as a resident to ask you to reconsider the proposed closure of the youth centre. I recognise that the council must make difficult savings, and I am not asking you to ignore the £200,000 repair bill. My concern is that closing the centre would remove a service that 120 young people use every week and would cost more in the long term than it saves.
The reported saving is £45,000, but the nearest alternative is 40 minutes away by bus. For a 14-year-old without a car, that is not a realistic substitute. The centre runs a homework club and a mental-health drop-in; these are preventive services, and preventive youth work reduces demand on crisis services. The £200,000 repair cost is significant, but it is a one-off capital cost, while the £45,000 is an annual revenue saving. A phased repair programme, supported by the 300 residents who signed the petition, would protect the service and spread the cost. I urge you to explore that option before closing a centre that young people rely on.
3. Explain one language choice you made to sound persuasive without sounding aggressive.
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I used 'I recognise... and I am not asking you to ignore' to concede the council's financial constraint before rebutting. This creates a reasonable, non-aggressive tone; it signals that I share the council's concern about public money, which makes the later argument about preventive savings more credible. I also used 'urge' rather than 'demand' to sound persuasive without threatening.