The Library Petition: Writing a Formal Letter Under Constraint
You are a Year 12 student at Riverton Secondary School. The school library closes at 16:00. A survey of 240 students found that 78% want it open until 18:00 during the four weeks before examinations. The head teacher, Mrs Adeyemi, has said she supports the idea 'in principle' but is worried about the cost of paying a librarian for two extra hours and about who will supervise students leaving after dark.
The student council has asked you to write a formal letter of 200-250 words to Mrs Adeyemi proposing a trial. Your letter must state the request clearly, use at least two pieces of evidence, answer both of her concerns, and close politely. You may invent a sensible solution, but it must be realistic for a school budget.
A classmate has drafted the opening sentence: 'Loads of us are proper desperate for the library to stay open later and it's not fair that we can't.'
1. Explain the register and structure you would use in the letter, and why the classmate's sentence is unsuitable for this audience and purpose.
Read the worked answer
Register required
Formal, courteous and rational. The addressee is a head teacher who controls the budget and will decide whether the proposal survives, so the letter must sound like a reasonable request from a responsible student, not a complaint.
Conventions to observe
- Named salutation ('Dear Mrs Adeyemi') and matching sign-off ('Yours sincerely'), since the name is known.
- Standard English throughout: no contractions, no slang, no exclamation marks for emphasis.
- Evidence presented before emotion; the case rests on the survey.
Structure
- Purpose in the first two sentences: who you are and what you are asking for.
- Evidence: the 78% figure and the 240 respondents, plus the exam-period timing.
- Concession and response: acknowledge the cost and safety concerns before answering them, which makes the answers sound generous rather than defensive.
- Specific, modest proposal: a four-week trial, with a review at the end.
- Polite close and offer of further information.
Why the classmate's sentence fails
- 'Loads of us' and 'proper desperate' are slang and overstatement; they signal a peer-to-peer register.
- 'It's not fair' is an appeal to justice aimed at a parent or referee, not an argument aimed at a decision-maker.
- The contraction and the emotional intensity invite a reply about tone rather than about the library.
A useful test
Read the sentence aloud in the voice of the person receiving it. If it would sound odd read out at a staff meeting, it belongs in a different text type.
2. Rewrite the classmate's sentence in formal English suitable for the letter. Explain two changes you made and why each improves the writing.
Read the worked answer
Model rewrite
'Many students are anxious that the library should remain open later during the examination period, and we believe the current closing time places those revising at a disadvantage.'
Change 1: 'Loads of us' becomes 'Many students'
'Loads of' is informal quantification and, worse, vague. Replacing it with 'many' plus the evidence already in the letter gives the claim weight without overstating it. The switch from 'us' to 'students' also shifts the letter from a personal plea to a representative one - the writer speaks for a group, which is what the council mandate allows.
Change 2: 'proper desperate' and 'it's not fair' become 'are anxious that... places those revising at a disadvantage'
'Proper desperate' is a regional intensifier that reads as slang; 'anxious' is measured and adult, and still conveys genuine concern. 'It's not fair' asserts an emotion and invites disagreement; 'places those revising at a disadvantage' states a consequence that can be tested against evidence. The contraction is expanded for formality.
The principle
Formal register is not about using long words. It is about replacing personal feeling with stated consequence and replacing vague intensifiers with precise, defensible claims. The rewritten sentence is actually shorter in meaning than the original's noise.
3. Write the two sentences that answer Mrs Adeyemi's concerns. One must address staffing cost, the other safety after dark. Explain the persuasive logic behind each.
Read the worked answer
Model sentences
'On cost, we propose a four-week trial rather than a permanent change, and the student council has offered to cover half the additional librarian hours from the sponsored readathon, which raised $300 last term. On safety, students would leave in supervised groups from the main entrance at 18:00, and the school's existing late bus departs at 18:10, so no student would wait alone after dark.'
The logic of the cost sentence
It concedes the concern by narrowing the commitment: a trial is cheaper and easier to reverse than a permanent extension. It then reduces the residual cost with a concrete, already-raised sum. Naming the source of the money matters more than the amount - it shows the proposal has been thought through rather than merely wished for.
The logic of the safety sentence
It does not deny the risk; it removes it with arrangements the school already has. Supervised departure and an existing bus link are realistic within a school budget, and the specific time (18:10) makes the plan verifiable. Vague reassurance such as 'we will be careful' would leave the head teacher's objection untouched.
Underlying strategy
Both sentences follow concession-then-solution: acknowledge the objection in its strongest form, then show it has been reduced to something manageable. This is more persuasive than dismissing the concerns, because it demonstrates that the writer has listened.