Complaint Email: Content Points Are Not Enough
Maria, a Grade 11 learner in Swakopmund, has to write a formal email in German for her NSSCO writing paper. The task: she attended a four-week B1 evening course at Sprachschule Wien from 3 to 28 July, course number 42. The advertisement promised a maximum of 8 participants; the class had 14. Two teachers were changed during the course. She wants a partial refund of €120 and a written reply by 15 September. The email must be 80-100 words and use formal register. Her draft reads: 'Hi, ich bin sauer. Der Kurs war Mist. Wir waren 14 statt 8. Zwei Lehrer sind weggegangen. Ich will 120 Euro zurück. Antwort bitte schnell. Tschüss, Maria.' The draft has all five content points in some form, but Maria cannot see why it would score poorly. She asks whether adding more adjectives would improve it. The teacher must explain register, transactional conventions, and explicitness without simply rewriting the whole text for her.
1. Identify two register errors and rewrite the opening and closing.
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Two clear register errors are Hi and Tschüss in a message to an institution. Hi is casual, and Tschüss is spoken/informal; a language school expects Sehr geehrte Damen und Herren and Mit freundlichen Grüßen. The draft also uses sauer, Mist and ich will, which are emotional or demanding rather than transactional. A rewrite of the frame: Sehr geehrte Damen und Herren, ich schreibe Ihnen wegen des B1-Abendkurses vom 3. bis 28. Juli (Kursnummer 42). ... Ich bitte um eine schriftliche Antwort bis zum 15. September. Mit freundlichen Grüßen, Maria N. The body still needs the facts, but the frame immediately changes the tone. The candidate should keep one consistent Sie and use Ihnen/Ihre correctly.
2. The draft contains all five content points but would still lose marks. Why? Explain transactional text conventions.
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Content points are not just topics; they must be explicit and identifiable. The draft says Wir waren 14 statt 8, but does not tie this to the advertisement (laut Ihrer Anzeige war die Gruppe auf maximal 8 Teilnehmer/innen begrenzt). Zwei Lehrer sind weggegangen is vague; say Zwei Lehrkräfte wurden während des Kurses ausgetauscht. The refund request needs a reason and a precise amount (120 Euro), and the deadline needs a date (15. September). The course number/dates are missing. Transactional writing also expects a subject line, greeting, logical order (problem → evidence → request → reply deadline), and a formal closing. Without these, the examiner sees a list of complaints rather than a coherent request.
3. Write a model sentence for the refund request that is firm but polite.
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Da der Kurs nicht wie angekündigt stattfand, bitte ich Sie um eine teilweise Rückerstattung von 120 Euro. This is firm because it states the reason (Da ...) and the exact sum, but polite because bitte ich Sie um is a standard request formula. Ich will 120 Euro zurück is grammatically possible but sounds confrontational and informal. Alternatives: Ich möchte Sie bitten, mir 120 Euro teilweise zu erstatten or Ich halte eine teilweise Rückerstattung von 120 Euro für angemessen. Avoid Ich erwarte, which can sound threatening in a first complaint. The judgement is to keep the legal/transactional edge without losing the formal register.