The Client Who Wants the Coach to Pick the Goal
Priya, 38, was referred by her employer's wellness program after a health risk assessment flagged her BMI and stress score. In session one she says, 'Just tell me what to do. I'll do whatever you say - I don't want to waste time figuring out goals.' She is a night-shift nurse, has two young children, and says she has 'tried everything' and 'nothing sticks.' When you ask what matters to her, she answers in terms of what her doctor wants, what her husband wants, and what her employer's program wants. She becomes visibly tense when you ask her to describe a time she felt good about a change she made. She says, 'Can we skip the feelings stuff? I just need a plan.'
1. How should the coach handle Priya's request for direct instruction without abandoning the coaching process?
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The coach should neither refuse the request nor comply with it wholesale. Refusing ('I don't give advice') would feel cold and would likely confirm her sense that coaching is a waste of time. Complying ('here's your plan') would make the coach the owner of the change, which is exactly the pattern that has failed for her before.
A workable middle: validate the request, name what the coach does, and offer a structured path that still requires her input. For example: 'I'm not going to hand you a plan and hope it fits. What I can do is make this very concrete and fast - I'll ask a few focused questions, and we'll leave with one or two specific steps you choose. That way it's yours and it actually fits your shifts.'
The coach can also use the request itself as data: 'You've said you've tried everything. What made the last plan fall apart?' That question is concrete, not 'feelings stuff,' and it surfaces the real barrier - likely shift work, childcare, or energy - which is where the plan needs to be built.
2. Priya resists reflective questions. What does the coach do with that resistance, and what does it likely signal?
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Resistance is information, not an obstacle to overcome. The coach should not push harder into reflection, which would likely increase tension, and should not abandon reflection entirely, which would collude with avoidance.
The likely signal is one or more of: (a) she has been judged before and expects judgment, (b) reflection feels like a luxury she cannot afford given her schedule, (c) she has not experienced reflection as useful, or (d) she is protecting something she does not want to name yet. The coach does not need to diagnose which one in the moment; the coach needs to adjust the pace and the form.
Practical moves: shorten the reflections, make them concrete ('what time of day is hardest?'), use scaling ('on a 1–10, how confident are you?'), and name the pattern without pressure ('I notice questions about how you feel land hard. We can keep this practical - and I'll check in occasionally, and you can tell me to back off'). The coach also watches for the moment when a reflective question is welcome; often it comes after the client feels understood, not before.
3. The employer's wellness program asks for Priya's progress data. What should the coach do?
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The coach should not share progress data with the employer without the client's informed, written consent, and even then should be careful about what is shared. The default is confidentiality: the employer is the referral source, not the client.
Steps: (1) tell Priya about the request, in plain language, including what the program is asking for and why; (2) explain that she can decline and that declining will not affect her coaching; (3) if she consents, share only the minimum necessary - typically attendance or completion, not clinical details or personal disclosures; (4) document the consent and the scope of what was shared.
If the coach feels pressure from the employer, the coach should be transparent with the client about that pressure rather than quietly complying. The relationship with the client outranks the relationship with the payer.