Writing: Correcting a host-family email without making it too informal
You are preparing a first email to Frau Weber, your host mother in Bremen. The task requires 80–100 words and three content points: your arrival details, a question about borrowing a bike, and a dietary need. Your draft is below.
„Liebe Frau Weber, ich heiße Alex und ich komme aus Neuseeland. Ich komme am 12. Juli um 14:20 in Frankfurt an. Ich möchte fragen, ob ich ein Fahrrad leihen kann. Weil ich kein Schweinefleisch esse, ich brauche besondere Lebensmittel. Ich habe noch eine Frage: Gibt es in der Nähe einen Supermarkt? Ich freue mich auf die Zeit bei Ihnen. Viele Grüße Alex“
You have 15 minutes before the draft must be submitted. A classmate says the email is ‘too formal’ and suggests Hallo Frau Weber and du.
1. Find the sentence with a word-order error, correct it, and explain the rule in a way that covers both clauses.
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The faulty sentence is: Weil ich kein Schweinefleisch esse, ich brauche besondere Lebensmittel. Correct version: Weil ich kein Schweinefleisch esse, brauche ich besondere Lebensmittel.
In the weil clause, esse is the finite verb and goes to the end: Weil ich kein Schweinefleisch esse. That whole subordinate clause then occupies position 1 of the sentence. In German main clauses the finite verb must be in position 2, so after the comma the next word is brauche, then ich. The order ich brauche would put the subject first and the verb second, which is correct only when the main clause stands alone. The error is not a vocabulary mistake; it is the classic ‘subordinate clause first’ trap.
2. A classmate wants to replace **Liebe Frau Weber** and **Ihnen** with **Hallo Frau Weber** and **du**. Which version is more appropriate for this first email, and why?
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Keep the formal version for a first email to an adult host mother: Liebe Frau Weber and Ihnen. Ihnen is the dative formal ‘you’, matching Sie. A host mother is an adult you have not met, and German first contact with adults commonly uses Sie until the adult offers du - for example, Wir können uns gern duzen.
Hallo Frau Weber is also inconsistent: Hallo is informal, while Frau Weber is a formal title. A more natural informal opening would be Hallo Petra if she had invited first-name use. The classmate’s suggestion is not ‘wrong German’, but it changes the relationship before it has been negotiated. In an exam, consistency matters: do not mix du and Ihnen in the same short email.
3. Does the draft meet the 80–100 word requirement? Count it approximately and state what you would add or cut, keeping all three content points.
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The draft is about 62 words, so it is below the 80-word minimum. It already covers arrival (12. Juli, 14:20, Frankfurt), the bike question (ob ich ein Fahrrad leihen kann) and the dietary need (kein Schweinefleisch). Do not cut those points; expand the email naturally.
A suitable addition is: Ich bleibe drei Wochen und möchte in dieser Zeit viel Deutsch sprechen. Vielen Dank schon im Voraus für Ihre Antwort. That adds about 20 words, taking the text to roughly 82 words. It also adds a polite closing move, which is useful in a first email. Check afterwards that the total is still under 100 and that the new sentences do not introduce a second register - keep Ihnen/Ihre throughout.