The Polite Email That Was Too Informal
Pablo has 25 minutes to write a 150–180-word formal email in Spanish to Señora Vidal, the exchange coordinator. The task requires four points: explain one practical problem with the host family, ask politely for a change or solution, propose one realistic alternative, and thank her. He must use formal address and at least two subjunctive forms. Pablo's draft is 212 words. The opening reads: «Hola Señora Vidal, ¿qué tal? Te escribo porque mi familia es un desastre. La comida es malísima y no puedo estudiar. Espero que me cambies pronto.» Later he writes: «También quiero ir a la excursión, pero no tengo dinero. ¿Me lo pagas?» He has included all four points but repeated the food complaint three times. His teacher has said that grammatical ambition matters only when the message and register are appropriate.
1. Identify the three most serious problems in Pablo's draft, in order of priority, and explain why each matters for this task.
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- Register: «Te escribo», «me cambies» and «¿Me lo pagas?» address Señora Vidal as tú and use a blunt imperative/question. The task requires formal address; this is the highest priority because it affects the whole relationship and can make even good grammar sound rude.
- Tone and accusation: «mi familia es un desastre» and «La comida es malísima» are insults, not a practical problem. A coordinator is more likely to help if Pablo describes the effect - for example, that the food does not suit his diet and makes it hard to concentrate - rather than blaming the family.
- Task management: he has all four points, but he repeats the food complaint three times and reaches 212 words against a 150–180 limit. Repetition displaces useful content and risks an incomplete ending. «¿Me lo pagas?» also turns a request for a solution into an inappropriate demand.
Minor subjunctive errors are less urgent than fixing register and tone.
2. Rewrite the opening in 35–50 words of Spanish, keeping the practical problem but making the request appropriate. Explain two changes.
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Possible rewrite:
«Estimada señora Vidal:
Le escribo para explicarle una dificultad práctica con mi familia anfitriona. La comida no se adapta a mi dieta y, como consecuencia, me cuesta concentrarme en los estudios. Le agradecería que pudiéramos hablar de una posible solución.
Atentamente, Pablo.»
Two changes:
- «Estimada señora» and «Le» establish formal address throughout, replacing «Hola» and «Te escribo».
- «Le agradecería que pudiéramos...» uses a conditional plus imperfect subjunctive to make a polite request. It replaces the blunt «Espero que me cambies pronto» and presents the problem as a difficulty to solve, not an insult.
3. Pablo has 212 words and must cut to 180. What should he cut or combine, and what must he not cut? Justify.
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He should cut the repeated food complaint and emotional adjectives such as «desastre» and «malísima», and combine the problem with its consequence in one sentence. He can also remove redundant thanks if he has already thanked her once.
He must not cut any of the four task points: the practical problem, the polite request, the realistic alternative and the thanks. He should keep the formal greeting and closing, the formal pronouns, and at least two clear subjunctive forms. Those are requirements, not decoration. Cutting them to save words would damage the task response more than removing repetition. He should also leave two or three minutes to check the word count and register.