Revising a Language Week speech for a school audience
You are writing a three-minute speech for your school's Cook Islands Māori Language Week assembly. The audience is about 300 students, mostly 13–18, plus 20 teachers and a few elders. Your draft opens: 'Kia orāna kātoa. Today I want to talk about why Cook Islands Māori is important. As you know, language is the key to culture. In 2018, UNESCO said...' Your teacher says the English is too heavy, the statistic is disconnected, and the opening sounds like an essay. You have 450 words, a hard limit of 2 minutes 45 seconds, and one rehearsal with a fluent speaker. You want to include a proverb about language and belonging, but you are not sure of the exact wording and do not want to misquote. The principal has asked for a PDF of the speech for the school archive. You need to decide the opening, the role of English, and how to handle the proverb.
1. Revise the first two or three sentences and justify each choice in terms of audience and register.
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A stronger opening would be: 'Kia orāna kātoa. E te au māpū, e te au metua, kua tae mai tātou ki konei nō te reo Māori Kūki 'Āirani. I want to start with a sound, not a definition: the sound of my grandmother saying my name.' Reasoning: 'Kia orāna kātoa' is a familiar greeting that signals the speech is in Cook Islands Māori, not about it from the outside. Addressing 'māpū' and 'metua' acknowledges the mixed audience without a long list of titles. 'Kua tae mai tātou' uses inclusive 'tātou', placing speaker and audience together. The switch to English for the concrete image is deliberate: it gives the younger listeners a way in before the speech returns to Cook Islands Māori. The original 'Today I want to talk about why...' is an essay frame; it tells the audience what the speech will do instead of doing it. The revision begins with relationship and sound, which fits an assembly register better than a written introduction.
2. Should you keep the UNESCO statistic? Decide and explain how you would integrate it if kept.
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Do not keep it in the opening, and keep it only if it can be made human-scale. Reasoning: a statistic such as 'UNESCO said...' is not evidence in itself; it borrows authority without showing what it means for the audience. In a 450-word speech, one disconnected number can cost 15 seconds and weaken the emotional argument. If the point is language loss, translate the number into a local image: 'If we do nothing, the elders in this room may be the last generation to hold everyday conversations in our reo.' That is a claim the audience can feel, but it also needs support, so say where the figure comes from and what it measures. If you cannot explain the figure accurately in one sentence, cut it. The speech's credibility comes from specific local examples and a clear ask - for example, students using one Māori phrase a day - not from a global statistic dropped into the second sentence.
3. How will you handle the proverb you are unsure about?
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Do not guess the wording. Plan: bring the draft to the rehearsal with the fluent speaker and ask them to confirm or correct the proverb, including its source and whether it is appropriate for a school assembly. If it cannot be verified before the PDF deadline, paraphrase the idea in your own words and say that it is a paraphrase, or use a verified proverb supplied by the speaker with a short attribution in the archive note. Reasoning: a misquoted proverb is worse than no proverb because it damages the speaker's credibility and can misrepresent the tradition. A speech can still be powerful without one. If the proverb is confirmed, place it after a concrete story, not at the start, so the audience has a reason to listen to it. The PDF should include a footnote naming who verified the wording, which also protects the school if the speech is shared online.