Handling a dinner-table question about arranged marriage
You are at dinner with your host family in Bhopal. The grandmother asks you directly: "तुम्हारे देश में लड़के-लड़कियाँ अपनी शादी खुद तय करते हैं? और माँ-बाप कुछ नहीं कहते?" The uncle laughs and says, "यहाँ तो अभी भी माँ-बाप देखते हैं।" Two cousins, aged 19 and 24, look at their plates. You know that your own views on arranged marriage are fairly strong, and that 'arranged marriage' in English carries connotations that do not map neatly onto the Hindi terms माँ-बाप देखते हैं or रिश्ता तय करना. You have good Hindi but are not sure how the cousins feel.
1. Explain the translation and framing trap in this question, and why a literal answer would misfire.
Read the worked answer
The vocabulary trap: 'Arranged marriage' is a single loaded English phrase. The Hindi in the room is different: माँ-बाप देखते हैं literally means 'the parents look/see', and रिश्ता तय करना means 'to settle a match'. Neither phrase contains the English word's implication of coercion. Answering the English concept while the grandmother asked a Hindi question about a family practice guarantees miscommunication.
The framing trap: The grandmother's question has two parts - do young people choose, and do parents say nothing? - and the second part is mildly incredulous. A literal answer ('Yes, we choose, and parents usually don't decide') can land as a claim that parents are irrelevant, which is not what you mean and which the uncle's laugh has already framed as the exotic contrast.
Why a literal answer misfires:
- It answers an English debate in a Hindi family setting.
- It invites the cousins' silence to be read as agreement with the uncle, when their body language suggests discomfort.
- It puts you in the position of judging a practice rather than describing your own context.
Better frame: describe, don't adjudicate. Say what happens in your family and country, note that parents' involvement exists there too (just in a different form), and return the question: "आपके यहाँ कैसे तय होता है?" This keeps the floor open for the cousins without putting them on the spot.
2. Write a Hindi response of about 60–80 words that answers honestly, avoids caricaturing either society, and does not corner the cousins.
Read the worked answer
"हमारे यहाँ ज़्यादातर लड़के-लड़कियाँ खुद फ़ैसला करते हैं, पर माँ-बाप की राय भी बहुत मायने रखती है - बस तरीका अलग है। मेरे घर में भी मम्मी-पापा से बात की जाती है, और अगर वे किसी को पसंद न करें तो हम बैठकर समझाते हैं। तो ऐसा नहीं है कि परिवार बाहर है; फ़र्क़ सिर्फ़ यह है कि अंतिम फ़ैसला हम खुद करते हैं। और आपके यहाँ? मुझे सच में जानना है - आजकल लड़के-लड़कियाँ अपनी पसंद कैसे बताते हैं?"
Why this works:
- It answers the question honestly (yes, young people decide).
- It corrects the implied binary by showing parental involvement in your own context - माँ-बाप की राय भी मायने रखती है - so the answer is not 'us free, you controlled'.
- मेरे घर में... keeps it personal rather than making a national claim.
- The closing question hands the floor back and asks something concrete and non-judgemental (आजकल... कैसे बताते हैं), which lets the cousins speak if they want to and lets the grandmother stay the expert.
- It avoids words like ज़बरदस्ती or बंधन, which would implicitly characterise the host family's practice.