Imaginative Writing: A Letter That Must Sound Like a Teenager, Not a Textbook
Students write a 250-character imaginative piece: a letter from a Chinese-Australian teenager to a cousin in Chengdu, describing the first week at a new school in Perth. The task specifies: informal register, at least one moment of humour, and a clear sense of the writer's personality. One draft opens: 亲爱的表哥，您好！我非常荣幸地向您介绍我在珀斯新学校的第一周情况。这里的环境优美，师资力量雄厚，同学们都很友好。此外，我还参加了课外活动。 The teacher comments that the Chinese is accurate but the letter 'could have been written by a brochure'.
1. Explain, with specific textual evidence, why the draft fails the task even though the grammar is correct.
Read the worked answer
The draft is grammatically sound and communicatively wrong.
Register: 您 to a cousin, 非常荣幸地, 环境优美, 师资力量雄厚, 此外 are written-language and institutional. A letter to a cousin should use 你, contractions of feeling (挺、特别、超级), and direct address.
Genre: 向您介绍……情况 is a report frame, not a letter frame. A letter opens with a reason for writing and a question back: 你最近怎么样？这边开学一周了，跟你说说.
Voice: Every sentence is evaluative but impersonal. 同学们都很友好 tells the cousin a fact; 我同桌第一天就问我能不能教她说'G'day' shows a person. The task asked for personality and humour, and the draft supplies neither.
Consequence: The teacher's 'brochure' comment is precise - the draft performs the topic (new school) while abandoning the relationship (cousin) and the speaker (a teenager). In imaginative writing, register and voice are content, not decoration.
2. Rewrite the opening in a way that satisfies the brief, then explain the choices that make it work.
Read the worked answer
Model rewrite:
表哥，你猜我这周干了什么蠢事？第一天上学我自信满满地走进教室，结果发现走错楼了，在体育馆门口站了十分钟。不过也有好事--我同桌是个本地女孩，她居然问我中文'加油'怎么写，说要贴在书桌上。我当时特别想说：你确定？我中文也不怎么样啊。
Why it works:
- 你猜……干了什么蠢事？ - opens with a question and a hook; a cousin would actually write this.
- 自信满满……结果发现走错楼 - self-deprecating humour, which is the requested 'moment of humour' and reveals character.
- 不过也有好事 - natural spoken connective, not 此外.
- 她居然问我……我当时特别想说：你确定？ - reported speech and internal reaction create voice; the joke depends on the writer's own limited Chinese, which is culturally specific and true to the persona.
- Register consistency - 你 throughout, 特别、居然、啊 as spoken markers, no 荣幸 or 优美.
The rewrite is not more advanced in grammar than the original; it is more situated. That is the difference the task rewards.