The Scholarship Speech
A student must write a 250–300 word speech for a scholarship panel. The brief says: 'Persuade us that curiosity matters more than grades. Use one personal example and address one likely objection.' The student's draft opening reads:
"Curiosity matters more than grades. Grades are just numbers. I once got a C in science because I spent all my time on an experiment that failed. But I learned more from that failure than from any A. Some people say grades predict success, but they are wrong. Curiosity is what really matters, and that is why you should give me the scholarship."
The draft is 68 words. A friend says it is 'fine because it has all the required parts'.
1. Evaluate the draft against the brief, identifying what is present, what is weak, and what is missing.
Read the worked answer
Present:
- A thesis (curiosity matters more than grades).
- A personal example (the failed experiment and the C in science).
- A gesture at an objection ('some people say grades predict success').
Weak:
- The objection is dismissed in four words ('but they are wrong') rather than addressed with reasoning - the brief says address an objection, which means engaging with why it might be true and answering it.
- The personal example is asserted, not shown: we are told the student 'learned more' but not what was learned or how it changed anything.
- The closing ('that is why you should give me the scholarship') is a bare request, not a conclusion drawn from the argument.
- The tone is repetitive: 'matters' appears three times and the claims are unsupported generalisations ('Grades are just numbers').
Missing:
- Length: 68 words against a 250–300 target, so roughly 180–230 words short.
- No developed reasoning linking curiosity to the panel's likely values.
The friend is wrong: the parts are named but not executed, and the word count is far below the minimum.
2. Write a plan that would turn this into a passing speech, and explain how you would check it meets the brief.
Read the worked answer
Plan (target ~270 words):
- Hook (30 words): a concrete image from the failed experiment - e.g., the moment the model collapsed - rather than a general claim.
- Thesis (25 words): curiosity matters more than grades because it produces the questions that grades only measure afterwards.
- Personal example (80 words): narrate the experiment, the failure, the specific thing learned (e.g., that controlling one variable at a time revealed the real cause), and the later payoff (a better project or a changed study habit). Show, don't assert.
- Address the objection (70 words): concede that grades predict persistence and open doors, then argue they measure performance on set questions, while curiosity drives the questions nobody set - give one reason the panel should weight it more.
- Close (40 words): link curiosity to what the scholarship is for (research, contribution), and end with a forward-looking statement rather than a request.
Checks:
- Word count: draft, count, adjust to 250–300.
- Brief coverage: tick personal example, tick addressed objection (conceded and answered), tick persuasive purpose.
- Quality: remove repeated words, replace generalisations with specifics, read aloud for tone.
This plan meets the brief because each required element is given its own space and the objection is answered with reasoning, not dismissal.