Two Versions of a Single Sentence
A draft internal circular contains this sentence: "The committee having examined the records submitted by all the branches which were received last month found that neither the accounts nor the stock register were maintained properly and it recommended that the practice of sending reports late should be discontinued by the branches immediately."
A reviewer marks it as unclear. A second reviewer says it is grammatically acceptable and should be left alone. The circular must go out the same day, and the office has a rule that no sentence in a circular may exceed 25 words.
1. Diagnose the specific faults in the sentence and identify the ambiguities of meaning, not merely of length.
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The sentence runs to about 60 words, well past the 25-word limit, but length is the least of its problems.
First, the relative clause 'which were received last month' sits next to 'branches', so it can be read as describing the branches rather than the records. The intended meaning is that the records were received last month.
Second, 'neither the accounts nor the stock register were maintained properly' violates the rule of proximity: with 'neither...nor', the verb agrees with the nearer subject, 'stock register', which is singular, so 'was' is required. This is a genuine grammatical error, contrary to the second reviewer's view.
Third, 'the practice of sending reports late should be discontinued by the branches immediately' is in the passive with a delayed agent, which obscures who must act. The branches must stop sending late reports.
Fourth, the opening participial phrase 'having examined' is separated from its subject by a long stretch, weakening the connection between examination and finding. The sentence tries to carry examination, finding, and recommendation in one breath.
2. Rewrite the passage as a set of short sentences within the word limit, preserving every element of meaning.
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A workable version:
'The committee examined the records that all branches submitted last month. It found that the accounts were not maintained properly. It also found that the stock register was not maintained properly. It recommended that branches stop sending reports late with immediate effect.'
Each sentence is under 25 words. The relative clause now clearly attaches to the records. The neither...nor problem disappears because the two findings are stated separately, which also avoids a further trap: splitting them removes any doubt about verb agreement. The passive with a hidden agent becomes an active direction to branches.
An alternative that keeps the correlative pair is: 'The committee found that neither the accounts nor the stock register was maintained properly.' Here 'was' agrees with the nearer singular subject. Either version is defensible; the first is safer for a circular read by staff whose first language may not be English.