Two Versions of a Lost-Luggage Email
A traveller must email an airline about a delayed suitcase. Version A reads: Dear Sir/Madam, I am writing to complain about my luggage which did not arrive with me on flight BA216 on 3 April. I had to buy clothes and toiletries costing about €90. I would like to make a claim. I look forward to hearing from you. Yours faithfully, J. Okonkwo. Version B reads: Hi there, just a quick one - my bag didn't show up the other day, flight BA216, and I've had to fork out for a few bits and pieces, so can I get some money back? Cheers, J. Okonkwo. The airline's claims page says compensation requires the baggage reference tag number and receipts. The traveller has the tag number and two receipts totalling €87.40, but neither version mentions them.
1. Compare the register of the two versions and decide which is suitable for a first contact with an airline claims department. Justify with specific words.
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Version A is the suitable one; Version B is too informal for a claims department.
Version A - formal, neutral register. Dear Sir/Madam and Yours faithfully form the standard formal pair when the recipient's name is unknown. I am writing to complain about is a conventional opening for a formal complaint. I would like to make a claim uses a modal plus a precise legal-commercial noun (claim). The tone is impersonal and factual.
Version B - conversational register. Hi there addresses an unknown official as a peer. Just a quick one and the other day signal vagueness; a claims officer needs a date. Fork out and bits and pieces are informal idioms that also weaken the claim by making the spending sound trivial. Cheers is a sign-off for friends, not for a company. Can I get some money back? is conversational where I would like to claim compensation is expected.
Verdict. Use Version A's frame. Register matters here not for snobbery but because formal vocabulary (complaint, claim, compensation) matches the terms the airline will process.
2. Version A still fails on content. Identify the missing elements and rewrite the body of the email so it meets the airline's stated requirements, keeping the formal register.
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Missing elements. (1) The baggage reference tag number, which the airline explicitly requires. (2) The receipts and the exact amount - Version A says about €90, but the receipts total €87.40, and a claim must state a figure it can support. (3) A clear request for the specific remedy (reimbursement of receipted expenses), and a statement that documents are attached. (4) The traveller's contact details and booking reference are also absent.
Rewritten body.
Dear Sir/Madam,
I am writing to claim reimbursement for expenses caused by my checked suitcase failing to arrive with me on flight BA216 on 3 April. My baggage reference tag number is [tag number]. I purchased essential clothing and toiletries to the value of €87.40 and enclose copies of two receipts as evidence. I would be grateful if you would reimburse this amount to the account used for the booking, reference [booking reference]. I can be contacted at [email] or [phone] if further information is required.
I look forward to hearing from you.
Yours faithfully, J. Okonkwo
Why this works. It keeps Version A's formal frame, replaces the vague about €90 with the documented €87.40, supplies the tag number the airline demands, and names the remedy and the enclosures.