The Email That Answered a Different Question
Márton has 35 minutes for one writing task: an email of complaint of 120–150 words with three content points - (1) he booked a room for four nights, (2) construction noise started at 6 a.m. every morning, (3) he wants compensation. He writes 236 words. He opens “Hey there” and closes “Cheers”, uses contractions and exclamation marks, and puts the actual complaint in paragraph 3 after a long account of his journey. Point 2 is present but vague: “there was some noise”. He asks for “a full refund plus a free weekend”. His grammar and vocabulary are strong, with two minor errors. He believes longer is better because “more content means more marks”, and he has already planned to reuse the same opening in a formal letter next week.
1. Rank his four weaknesses - register, vague content point 2, organisation, over-length - by their effect on his mark, and justify the order.
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Order
- Register. “Hey there / Cheers” plus exclamation marks breaks the complaint-email frame. This damages task achievement and style simultaneously, and it is visible in the first and last lines the examiner reads.
- Vague content point 2. “There was some noise” does not communicate the specific detail (6 a.m., every morning). An underdeveloped content point is a content failure, which is weighted more heavily than length.
- Organisation. The complaint arrives in paragraph 3 after travel narrative. The reader cannot find the purpose, which also weakens coherence.
- Over-length. Rarely penalised directly, but here it is the cause of 2 and 3: the extra 90 words are the journey description that pushes the complaint back.
Reasoning principle: fix causes before symptoms. Cutting length fixes organisation and sharpens the content point at the same time.
2. Rewrite his opening and closing sentences in an appropriate register, and explain each change you make.
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Opening: “Dear Mr Nagy, I am writing to complain about my stay at your hotel from 3 to 7 May.” - removes “Hey there”, names the genre in the first clause, and supplies the booking dates that make the complaint verifiable.
Closing: “I would like to request a refund for the four nights. I look forward to hearing from you. Yours sincerely, Márton Kiss.” - a specific request replaces “a full refund plus a free weekend”; “I look forward to hearing from you” is the standard formula and, usefully, tests the same look forward to + -ing pattern he needs elsewhere; “Yours sincerely” fits a named recipient.
Reasoning: a complaint email earns marks for clarity and appropriate distance, not for warmth. Every change either removes an informal marker or makes the request precise enough to be answered.
3. He must cut about 90 words without losing a content point. State the cut order and what must survive.
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Cut order
- The journey narrative (roughly 55–60 words). It contains no content point and delays the purpose.
- Intensifiers and exclamation marks (“really”, “absolutely”, “!”). They add tone, not information.
- The second half of his compensation request (“plus a free weekend”). It is not required and makes the demand look unreasonable.
- Any repetition of the noise complaint - say it once, with the 6 a.m. detail.
Must survive: four nights; construction noise from 6 a.m. every morning; a clear request for compensation; a formal opening and closing.
Target shape: about 140 words in four short paragraphs - purpose, facts, effect on the stay, request. This keeps all three points and gives the examiner the structure in one glance.