Proofreading the Branch Customer Notice
A branch has to display a customer notice before the switch to new timings on 1 April. The manager drafted the text below and asked the office assistant to proofread it before it goes to the printer.
'Dear customers, We are pleased to inform that from 1 April our branch will remain open from 9:30 a.m. to 4:00 p.m. on all working days. The extended evening counter, that was started last winter, will be discontinue. Cheque clearing through CTS will be process twice daily, at 11:00 a.m. and 3:00 p.m. Customers is requested to deposit cheques before 2:45 p.m. for same-day clearing. Neither the branch nor the staffs are responsible for cheques deposited after the cut-off time. The passbook printing kiosk is out of order since two weeks. Kindly bear with us.'
1. Identify and correct the grammatical errors in the draft, naming the rule behind each correction.
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- 'inform that' → 'inform you that'. Inform is transitive and needs a personal object; without it the reader is left asking 'inform whom'.
- 'will be discontinue' → 'will be discontinued'. A passive verb needs the past participle, not the base form.
- 'will be process' → 'will be processed'. Same passive-participle error.
- 'Customers is requested' → 'Customers are requested'. Plural subject takes a plural verb.
- 'the staffs' → 'the staff'. Staff is a collective noun; the plural staffs is used only for the employees of two or more separate organisations.
- 'that was started last winter' → 'which was started last winter'. A non-defining (comma) relative clause takes which, not that.
- 'since two weeks' → 'for two weeks'. Since takes a point in time (since 1 April); for takes a duration.
- With correction 5, the sentence reads 'Neither the branch nor the staff is responsible' - see the next task.
2. Explain the correct verb in 'Neither the branch nor the staff ... responsible' and in 'out of order since/for two weeks'. Write out both corrected sentences.
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Neither...nor. With neither A nor B, the verb follows the subject nearer to it - the proximity rule. The nearer subject here is staff, a singular collective noun, so the verb is singular: Neither the branch nor the staff is responsible for cheques deposited after the cut-off time. If the nearer subject were plural ('nor the clerks'), it would become are. Writing are because 'the branch and the staff' feel like two things is the standard trap.
Since vs for. Since marks a starting point in time and pairs with a present perfect: 'has been out of order since 18 March'. For marks a length of time and is the right word when the duration is given: 'The passbook printing kiosk has been out of order for two weeks.' Note the tense also changes: the draft's simple present 'is out of order' sits badly with a duration, so use 'has been out of order for two weeks'.
Useful test: ask 'does the phrase answer from when or how long?' - from when takes since, how long takes for.
3. Rewrite the two sentences about CTS clearing and the cut-off as one clear, polite sentence, and state which facts must not be lost.
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Model rewrite: 'Cheque clearing through CTS will be processed twice daily, at 11:00 a.m. and 3:00 p.m.; customers are requested to deposit cheques before 2:45 p.m. so that they are included in the same day's clearing.'
Facts that must survive the rewrite: (a) the channel is CTS, not manual clearing; (b) there are exactly two sessions; (c) the session times are 11:00 a.m. and 3:00 p.m.; (d) the cut-off for customers is 2:45 p.m.; (e) the benefit promised is same-day clearing; (f) it applies to customers depositing cheques, so the request must stay addressed to them.
Why this version is better. The draft's 'for same-day clearing' dangles - it can be read as modifying the customer rather than the cheque. Turning it into 'so that they are included in the same day's clearing' attaches the purpose to the cheque. The semicolon joins the two related ideas without a run-on, and 'are requested' keeps the polite register a customer notice needs. Avoid 'cheques will be cleared at 11:00 a.m.' - that is a promise about credit, which the branch cannot make.