The Press Note with a Hidden Pronoun
A bank's corporate communications team has drafted a four-sentence press note about a processing-fee waiver. The draft reads: (1) 'The bank has decided to waive off the processing fee for all home loans until 31 March, which was announced by the CEO on Monday.' (2) 'Customers who have applied before the deadline, they will receive a confirmation within 48 hours.' (3) 'The bank regrets the inconvenience caused to its customers and assures that it is committed to transparency.' (4) 'Any customer failing to respond within 48 hours will be deemed to have forfeited their chance, and the bank will not be responsible for any loss.' The legal team is uncomfortable with sentence (4), while the CEO's office wants sentence (1) to name the date clearly. The editor has one revision cycle before the note goes to press.
1. Identify the grammatical or stylistic faults in sentences (1) and (2), and rewrite both in one clear version.
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Sentence (1) has an ambiguous 'which': it can refer to the waiver, the home loans, or 31 March; 'waive off' is redundant because 'waive' already means to refrain from enforcing. Sentence (2) uses a resumptive pronoun: 'Customers who have applied..., they will...' The relative clause already supplies the subject of 'will receive'. Rewrite: 'The CEO announced on Monday that the bank will waive the processing fee on all home loans applied for on or before 31 March. Customers who apply before the deadline will receive confirmation within 48 hours.' This removes the ambiguity and the double subject.
2. Is the legal team's discomfort with sentence (4) justified? Explain the tone and legal-risk issue, and propose a revision that preserves enforceability.
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Yes. 'Deemed to have forfeited their chance' is vague about what is lost, and 'the bank will not be responsible for any loss' is an overbroad exclusion that reads as harsh and may be unenforceable or unfair. It also gives no channel for response. A defensible revision: 'If we do not receive your response through the registered channel within 48 hours, the application may be closed. This does not affect your right to reapply or any statutory remedy.' This keeps a consequence, fixes the channel and scope, and preserves the customer's rights.
3. The CEO's office wants sentence (1) to name the date clearly. What single change achieves that without creating a new ambiguity?
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Move the date so it modifies the eligible applications, not the announcement. For example: 'The CEO announced on Monday that applications received on or before 31 March will be eligible for a waiver of the processing fee.' The date now attaches to 'applications received', and 'on Monday' attaches to the announcement, so neither can be misread.