Editing a Notice and a Complaint Letter, and Cutting a Précis
A Class X student is attempting the writing skills section of the English paper. The tasks are a notice of not more than 50 words for the school noticeboard about an inter-house elocution competition to be held on 18 August, and a formal letter of about 120 words to the Ward Officer about garbage that has not been collected for twelve days. The draft notice begins: 'I want to tell you all that yesterday the Principal called a meeting and it was decided by all the teachers that an elocution competition will be there on 18th August. Please come in large numbers.' It has no heading, date or signature. The letter draft contains: 'Respected Sir, I am writing this letter to draw your kind attention towards the garbage problem. You people are not doing anything. Kindly do the needful and I will be highly obliged.' The student must also reduce a 200-word passage to a 60-word précis; the draft is 79 words and retains two examples and a quotation.
1. Rewrite the notice within the word limit and justify each change you made.
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Model notice (47 words):
NOTICE 12 August 20XX Inter-house Elocution Competition The inter-house elocution competition will be held on 18 August at 10 a.m. in the school hall. The topic is 'Water: Use, Not Waste'. Students of Classes IX and X may register with their class teachers by 16 August. Anita Rane, Cultural Secretary
Justification:
- A notice is a public, impersonal communication, so it is written in the third person and mainly in the passive ('will be held', 'may register'). 'I want to tell you all' and the account of the staff meeting are personal narrative and consume words without informing the reader.
- 'Please come in large numbers' is an appeal suitable for a circular to parents, not a notice; a notice states what, when, where, who and what action is required.
- The heading, date of issue and name with designation are format marks and are not optional. The date of the event and the registration deadline both belong, because the reader must act before 18 August.
- 'Will be there' is informal Indian English; 'will be held' is the standard form.
2. Identify the register problems in the letter and rewrite the faulty sentences.
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Three separate faults are present.
- Over-formality mixed with vagueness. 'I am writing this letter to draw your kind attention towards' is a stock opening that delays the point; 'kindly do the needful' names no action at all. A civic complaint must state the locality, the duration and the remedy sought.
- Accusation instead of fact. 'You people are not doing anything' attacks the reader. In a formal letter the writer presents verifiable facts and leaves the inference to the officer.
- Unsuitable closing formula. 'I will be highly obliged' is a personal favour language; a formal request closes by asking for action within a stated period.
Rewritten: 'Sir, I wish to report that garbage in Shivaji Nagar, Lane 4, has not been collected for twelve days. The accumulating waste is blocking the drain and has become a health risk for about forty households. I request that the collection van be sent within the next three days and that a fixed collection time be notified.'
The rewritten version keeps the tone firm but impersonal, and gives the officer exactly the information needed to act.
3. What should be cut from the 79-word précis, and why? Give a corrected précis of about 55 words.
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A précis must reproduce the central argument in the writer's own words, at about one-quarter to one-third of the original length, in a single connected paragraph and in the third person. It must not contain examples, statistics that are merely illustrative, quotations or the writer's opinions about those examples.
Cuts to make:
- The two examples, because they support the argument but do not state it; removing them loses nothing essential.
- The quotation, because a précis paraphrases and cannot borrow the original wording.
- Repetition and figures that illustrate rather than define the point.
Example précis (54 words): 'The passage argues that towns which expand without planning their water supply inevitably face shortages within a decade. It holds that augmentation of the source must precede new construction, and that citizens' groups are more effective when they demand published data than when they simply protest.'
After writing, the student should count the words, check that no sentence has been lifted verbatim, and confirm that the précis can be understood by someone who has not read the original.