Rewriting a Permit Renewal Notice
A district office must tell market-stall holders how to renew their annual permits. The deadline is 31 March 2026. Applications go to Room 4, Civic Centre, weekdays 09:00–16:00. Applicants need the previous permit, photo ID, a fee receipt and a current food-safety certificate. Late applications incur a 25% surcharge and may lose the stall allocation. The office drafted this notice: 'Pursuant to the issuance of the aforementioned regulatory framework, it is hereby notified that all concerned stakeholders whom it may concern are advised that the submission of the requisite documentation pertaining to the renewal of permits shall be effected no later than the stipulated deadline, failing which appropriate action may be taken. Applicants are reminded that incomplete submissions will not be processed and that the onus rests upon the applicant to ensure compliance. Queries may be directed to the relevant office during office hours.' The office manager asks you to rewrite it for people with limited literacy and limited English.
1. Identify at least five weaknesses in the draft and explain how each would affect a reader.
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- No deadline: 'the stipulated deadline' makes the reader search for a date; most will not. 2. No address or hours: 'the relevant office' does not tell anyone where to go. 3. No document list: 'requisite documentation' forces a second visit or a phone call. 4. Vague consequence: 'appropriate action may be taken' does not tell the reader about the 25% surcharge or the risk of losing the stall. 5. Jargon and legalistic phrasing: 'pursuant to', 'aforementioned regulatory framework', 'effected' and 'onus' exclude readers with limited literacy or English. 6. Long, passive sentences hide who must do what. 7. No contact or help route.
The cumulative effect is that a reader cannot act on the notice: they do not know when, where, what to bring, or what happens if they are late.
2. Rewrite the notice in plain language of no more than 130 words, using the facts provided.
Read the worked answer
Example rewrite:
Renew your market stall permit by 31 March 2026.
Bring these documents to Room 4, Civic Centre, Monday to Friday, 9 am to 4 pm:
- your current permit;
- photo ID;
- fee receipt;
- current food-safety certificate.
If you apply after 31 March, you must pay a 25% surcharge. You may also lose your stall.
We cannot process incomplete applications.
Need help? Visit Room 4 or ask at the front desk.
The rewrite uses short sentences, active verbs, a headed list and specific dates and places. It replaces 'shall be effected' with 'apply' and 'onus rests upon the applicant' with 'you must'.
3. How would you check that the rewrite is usable for the intended audience?
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I would check the facts first - date, room, hours, fee and documents - against the source file. Then I would run a plain-language checklist: short sentences, active voice, no jargon, one action per line, and numbers and dates repeated.
I would test it with five to ten stallholders, including people with limited literacy, and ask them to say what they must do and by when. If they cannot, the notice fails. I would produce translated versions and an audio or large-print version at the counter.
Finally, I would track calls and counter visits asking about renewal, and revise if the same question recurs. A rewrite is not finished when it reads well to the office; it is finished when the intended reader can act on it.