A written opinion piece that must not overclaim
Your Japanese class is writing a 400-character opinion piece (意見文) on the prompt: 「高校生はアルバイトをするべきか」. You personally think part-time work is good, but your survey of 30 classmates found 18 against, 9 in favour, and 3 unsure. You also read that some schools ban part-time work entirely. Your teacher's marking guide rewards a clear position, at least two reasons with support, acknowledgement of the other side, and use of connectives. You have 400 characters and must not simply list pros and cons without taking a stance.
1. State your position and plan the two reasons plus the counter-argument within the character limit. Show the connective you will use at each move.
Read the worked answer
Position (stated early): 私は高校生がアルバイトをすることに賛成だ。
Plan with connectives:
- Reason 1 - money and responsibility: まず、アルバイトを通して、お金の大切さがわかる。自分で働いて初めて、親の大変さも理解できる。
- Reason 2 - experience outside school: 次に、学校では学べないことを経験できる。たとえば、お客さんとの会話や時間の管理だ。
- Counter-argument + response: もちろん、勉強がおろそかになるという意見もある。しかし、時間を決めて働けば、両立できると考える。
- Close: したがって、ルールを決めた上で、アルバイトを認めるべきだ。
Why this fits the guide: the stance appears in sentence one and is restated at the end (したがって), so it is not a bare pros-and-cons list. まず／次に mark the two reasons; もちろん…しかし signals the concession and rebuttal. Keep each reason to one or two sentences to stay near 400 characters - do not add a third reason.
2. A classmate suggests writing 「クラスメートの半分以上が反対しているので、アルバイトは禁止すべきだ」. Explain two problems with this sentence for this task and rewrite it so it supports your pro-part-time position.
Read the worked answer
Problem 1 - it contradicts your stated position. The task requires one clear stance; switching to 禁止すべきだ after arguing 賛成 makes the piece incoherent. A survey result is evidence, not an automatic conclusion.
Problem 2 - it overclaims from weak data. 30 classmates is a small, non-random sample, and 18/30 is 'more than half' of that class only. Presenting it as proof that work should be banned (～べきだ) is too strong. Also, majority opinion does not settle whether a rule is right.
Rewrite that keeps the fact but supports your side: 「クラスメート30人のアンケートでは18人が反対と答えた。確かに反対は多い。しかし、反対の理由の多くは『勉強の時間が減る』という心配であり、時間のルールを決めれば解決できると私は考える。」
This reports the number honestly (18 of 30), concedes the point with 確かに, then uses しかし to redirect to a solution rather than a ban. It shows you can handle counter-evidence without abandoning your position.