Choosing the Right Register for a School Complaint
A Grade 9 student, Amina, wants the school to fix a broken window in the classroom where her class meets. She drafts two versions. Version A: "Ovo je katastrofa, razbijeni prozor stoji već dvije sedmice i niko ništa ne radi. Molim vas da to konačno riješite." Version B: "Poštovani, u učionici broj 7 razbijen je prozor. Kvar je prijavljen 3. oktobra, ali do danas nije saniran. Molim Vas da se popravka izvrši u narednih sedam dana jer je učionica u upotrebi svakog dana." Her teacher says Version B is more appropriate for a formal written request, but Version A might be acceptable in a different context. The class also has a 150-word limit for the notice board version.
1. Identify the register of each version and explain which features make Version B suitable for a formal written request.
Read the worked answer
Version A is informal/expressive. It uses emotional evaluation ("katastrofa"), vague quantity ("niko ništa"), and a direct demand ("konačno riješite"). It suits a conversation among friends or a spoken complaint, not a written request to an institution.
Version B is formal. Features that make it appropriate:
- Salutation and address form: "Poštovani" and capitalized "Vas" show respect.
- Precise information: room number, date of the report (3 October), and a concrete deadline (seven days).
- Neutral tone: it states the problem and the consequence ("učionica u upotrebi svakog dana") without insulting anyone.
- Clear request: "Molim Vas da se popravka izvrši" is a polite, specific appeal.
So the teacher is right: B matches the purpose (a formal request to a responsible person), while A's emotion weakens it and may put the reader on the defensive.
2. The notice board has a 150-word limit. Explain which version should be shortened and how, keeping the essential information.
Read the worked answer
Version A should not be used on the notice board at all: it is too emotional and lacks the facts readers need (which room, since when, what is requested). Version B is the right basis but can be tightened.
How to shorten B while keeping essentials:
- Keep: room number, date reported, current status, the request, the deadline.
- Remove or compress: repeated explanations and filler.
- Example shortened form: "Poštovani, u učionici 7 razbijen je prozor, prijavljen 3. oktobra, još nije popravljen. Učionica se koristi svakodnevno. Molim popravku u roku od sedam dana."
Reasoning: A notice board is read quickly, so the reader must grasp the problem and the request at once. Cutting words is acceptable as long as the who, what, when and request remain. The formal tone and the address form should not be dropped, because they signal that this is an official request.