The 315-Word Essay That Drifts Off-Topic in Paragraph Three
In the first pre-board, Class 10 candidates write an essay in Kashmiri of about 250 words on 'The Season I Like Most' for 10 marks. The rubric is relevance 3, organisation 3, vocabulary 2, grammar 2. Candidate C writes 315 words. Paragraphs 1–2 describe spring; paragraph 3 narrates a cricket match; paragraph 4 complains about exam stress; there is no concluding paragraph. The candidate uses six Urdu loanwords where Kashmiri equivalents are available and writes two long sentences with comma splices. The handwriting is clear. The teacher has 58 scripts and two days. The school has taught a five-paragraph plan and a bank of 20 seasonal words. The candidate's oral Kashmiri is fluent, and the script shows risk-taking with vocabulary.
1. Award marks under each rubric head and justify each score. Explain how you treat the 315-word length.
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Relevance 2/3: spring is the stated topic, but paragraph 3 (cricket) and paragraph 4 (exam stress) are not connected to the season; the essay loses focus. Organisation 1/3: there is no conclusion and the cricket paragraph breaks the plan; two comma splices also weaken coherence. Vocabulary 1/2: the candidate takes risks, but six Urdu loanwords replace available Kashmiri terms and reduce precision. Grammar 1/2: two comma splices and some mixed word order show partial control; clear handwriting does not earn grammar marks. Total 5/10.
The 315-word length is not a separate deduction. The rubric does not award length; the overrun matters only because the extra words are off-topic, which is already scored under relevance and organisation.
2. Should the six Urdu loanwords be penalised? Argue both sides and give a defensible ruling for this exam.
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Against penalty: loanwords are normal in Kashmiri, and the candidate's oral fluency suggests they are part of the repertoire; penalising them mechanically would punish risk-taking. For penalty: the school taught 20 seasonal words, and at least some loanwords have ready Kashmiri equivalents; an exam that tests vocabulary should reward precise choice.
Ruling: no separate deduction, but the vocabulary mark can drop from 2 to 1 if the loanwords are avoidable and reduce variety. Do not mark the same feature twice-once as vocabulary and again as grammar. In feedback, list two replacements, not six, so the student can act on them.
3. Give a three-sentence revision plan that preserves the candidate's voice and fixes the structural problem.
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Keep the spring description and the two best sensory details; cut the cricket paragraph or turn one sentence of it into a comparison with spring. Add a conclusion that returns to the opening image and states why this season matters to you. Check the two comma splices by reading each sentence aloud and putting a full stop where the voice drops.