Der Kommentar, der keiner ist: These, Anschluss und Schweizer Ton
Task: a 300-word Kommentar for the youth portal of a Zurich city magazine, readership 16–25, on the question „Soll die Innenstadt autofrei werden?“ You have the results of a two-year pilot on a 1.2 km stretch: car entries down 38%, retail turnover inside the zone down 4% overall but up 11% for food and drink, and 62% of respondents wanting the trial extended. The style guide requires Swiss standard German - ss for ß, Velo, parkieren, Trottoir - and forbids the anglicisms the portal's editor calls „Denglisch“. Your opening paragraph currently reads: „Ich denke, dass eine autofreie Innenstadt gut ist. Einerseits gibt es weniger Verkehr. Andererseits gibt es Probleme für die Geschäfte. Das ist eine schwierige Frage.“
1. Why does this opening fail as a Kommentar opening, and what would you write instead? Give three sentences.
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It fails on four counts: it states a verdict before establishing what is at stake (a Kommentar needs an angle, not a bare opinion); „gut“ and „Probleme“ are empty slots that could be filled with anything; the einerseits/andererseits pair balances two undirected generalisations and therefore says nothing; and the final sentence withdraws the position exactly where a Kommentar has to be sharpest. A reader reaching sentence four has no reason to read sentence five.
Rewrite: „Seit zwei Jahren ist der Abschnitt zwischen Central und Bellevue für Autos gesperrt - und die Stadt streitet noch immer. Die Zahlen des Pilotversuchs sind deutlicher als die Debatte: 38 Prozent weniger Autos, 62 Prozent Zustimmung. Wer jetzt noch von einer schwierigen Frage spricht, hat die Zahlen nicht gelesen.“
What the rewrite does: a concrete hook (place, duration, ongoing conflict), then a thesis that is narrow enough to defend in 300 words - the traffic question is settled, the retail question is not - and a polemical edge aimed at the debate rather than at people. The opinion is present in sentence three, but earned by sentence two.
2. Fix the „einerseits … andererseits“ pair on both grammar and argumentative weight. What is the common structural error, and how do you give the pair a point?
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Grammar. „Einerseits“ in position 1 triggers verb-second: „Einerseits sinkt der Verkehr.“ A frequent error is to keep subordinate-clause order after it („Einerseits es gibt weniger Verkehr“), or to let the second half drift out of parallel construction. Both halves must have the same shape so the reader can weigh them against each other.
Weight. The pair must oppose like with like. Traffic against „Probleme für die Geschäfte“ compares a measurement with a mood; the reader cannot balance them. Put the retail figure on the other side, in the same currency: fewer cars against less turnover.
Point. Bare „einerseits … andererseits“ is a list, and a Kommentar is not a list - it needs a verdict. Either weight the halves in the sentence itself („Die Entlastung ist messbar … Der Preis dafür ist real …“) or resolve them explicitly: „38 Prozent weniger Autos sind viel. Vier Prozent weniger Umsatz sind verkraftbar - elf Prozent mehr in der Gastronomie zeigen, wohin die Zone geht.“ Beware of „zwar … aber“ used as decoration: the „aber“ must carry the argument, not just the second half.
3. Which Swiss features do you keep, which do you avoid, and what is the register risk in each direction?
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Keep - they are unmarked in Zurich: „Velo“ (not „Fahrrad“), „parkieren“, „Trottoir“. Using the German-German equivalents in a Zurich youth portal reads as imported or translated, and the editor will notice. „ss“ for ß („Strasse“, „gross“, „dass“) is orthography, not a style choice: getting it wrong looks like carelessness rather than colour.
Avoid - marked or parodic when stacked: „Glace“, „Guetzli“, „Zmorge“, „gopfertami“. One is fine in the right place; four in 300 words turns an argument about urban policy into a dialect sketch, and the reader stops hearing the point. The same applies to Helvetisms that a German-speaking readership outside Switzerland would not parse if the portal syndicates the piece.
The other direction: mixing registers is the real risk. „Velo“ in one sentence and „ß“ in the next, or „Trottoir“ alongside „Gehweg“, signals a writer who has assembled vocabulary rather than chosen it. Rule: lexical choices follow the publication and its readers; the register stays argumentative throughout, because a Kommentar's authority comes from consistency, not from local colour.