Environmental club email to Accra: tone, budget and date
At Lycée de Nkolbisson, the students' environmental club is organising a joint tree-planting day with a school in Accra. The secretary has drafted this email to the partner club: 'Dear friends, We are very happy to invite you for our tree planting day on 12 March. We will plant 500 trees. You must bring your own tools and pay 5,000 FCFA each for transport. Please confirm quickly because we need to buy the trees. We hope you can come. Bye.' The teacher finds the tone too direct, the commitment about tools and money unclear, and the date fixed without checking the Ghanaian school calendar. The club must send a reply today. The partner school has 24 students and 3 teachers; the local nursery can provide at most 400 seedlings; the bus costs 150,000 FCFA in total, not per student. The club has 60,000 FCFA.
1. Identify three language or register problems in the draft and rewrite the opening two sentences in a polite, clear register suitable for a partner school.
Read the worked answer
Three problems are: (1) 'You must bring your own tools' is an imperative that sounds like an order to guests; (2) 'pay 5,000 FCFA each for transport' states a charge as a fixed obligation before any agreement, and the amount is ambiguous; (3) 'Please confirm quickly' and 'Bye' are too informal and pressuring for an institutional email. A suitable opening is: 'Dear friends, We would be delighted to invite you to join our environmental club for a tree-planting day. We are currently checking the date with you and will confirm the programme as soon as possible.' This keeps enthusiasm, makes the invitation collaborative, and avoids imposing conditions before the partner school has replied. The body should then present transport and tools as proposals to be discussed, not as requirements.
2. Using the numbers given, analyse the budget and the tree target. What should the club propose about the number of participants, the 5,000 FCFA contribution and the date?
Read the worked answer
There will be 24 students + 3 teachers = 27 visitors. The bus costs 150,000 FCFA in total. If each visitor contributes 5,000 FCFA, the group raises 27 × 5,000 = 135,000 FCFA, which leaves a 15,000 FCFA shortfall for the bus; the club's 60,000 FCFA can cover that and still leave 45,000 FCFA for other costs. The nursery can supply at most 400 seedlings, so the draft's 500 trees cannot be guaranteed. The club should propose a target of 400 trees, or ask the partner school whether it can bring additional seedlings. The date 12 March should not be maintained unilaterally: the email should offer two possible dates and ask the partner school to confirm which fits its calendar. This turns the message into a negotiation rather than a set of orders.
3. Write an appropriate closing for the email and state whether the club should send the message today in its current form.
Read the worked answer
A suitable closing is: 'We would be grateful for your response by [reasonable date]. Please let us know which date suits you and whether your group can bring tools or seedlings. We look forward to working with you. Kind regards, [Name], Secretary, Environmental Club, Lycée de Nkolbisson.' The club should not send the current draft today: it orders the partner school to bring tools and pay, fixes an unverified date, promises 500 trees although only 400 are available, and uses an informal closing. Sending it would create a commitment the club cannot meet and could damage the partnership. The club should send a corrected version that invites, explains the 27-person budget, proposes 400 trees or asks for seedlings, and offers dates for confirmation.