Choosing and repairing a formal Persian application to the principal
A Class 10 student must write a formal application in Persian to the principal asking permission to use the library's Persian section for a weekly reading circle. The notice says: 60–80 words; include a salutation, the purpose, two named resources (a Persian–English dictionary and a collection of short stories), a proposed time (Thursday, 2 p.m.), and a closing; use formal register; do not use colloquial forms such as می‌خوام or بچه‌ها. Three drafts are on the teacher's desk. Draft 1 begins: سلام جناب مدیر! من می‌خوام با بچه‌ها بیایم کتابخانه... Draft 2 begins: باسمه تعالی. جناب مدیر محترم، ... Draft 3 begins: مدیر مدرسه، من کتاب لازم دارم... The teacher must choose the best draft, mark it against the rubric, and show one student how to repair the weakest sentence without making the letter unnatural.
1. Choose the best draft and justify the choice against the five rubric elements.
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Draft 2 is the best starting point. It has a formal opening (باسمه تعالی and جناب مدیر محترم), which fits the salutation element and sets a respectful register. Draft 1 fails register immediately: سلام جناب مدیر is too casual for a formal application, and می‌خوام and بچه‌ها are colloquial. Draft 3 is abrupt: مدیر مدرسه without a respectful address and من کتاب لازم دارم reads like a demand, not a request. Draft 2 still needs to be checked for the purpose, the two named resources, the Thursday 2 p.m. time, and the closing. But it is the only draft whose opening does not already lose the register mark. Choose it, then complete or tighten the body.
2. Identify two register errors in Draft 1 and replace them with formal equivalents that keep the meaning.
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Two clear errors are:
- سلام جناب مدیر → با سلام و احترام خدمت جناب مدیر محترم. The original mixes a casual greeting with a title; the replacement is a standard formal opening.
- می‌خوام → خواهشمندم or تقاضا دارم. می‌خوام is colloquial; the formal modal is needed in a written application.
A third error is بچه‌ها → دانش‌آموزان, because the application is addressed to the principal and should name the group formally. The replacement should not become stiff for its own sake; خواهشمندم اجازه فرمایید دانش‌آموزان... is formal but still natural.
3. The student asks whether 'باسمه تعالی' is required at the top of the application. Decide with a reason.
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It is not required by the stated rubric. The rubric asks for a salutation, purpose, resources, time, and closing; it does not list a religious heading. باسمه تعالی is a conventional heading in many formal letters in the region, and if the school's own style sheet requires it, the student should include it. But its absence should not cost a mark under this notice. The decision should be made from the task instructions, not from the teacher's personal preference. If Draft 2 is chosen, keep the heading only if the class has been told to use it; otherwise begin with جناب مدیر محترم and spend the words on the purpose and resources.