Funeral Service Counseling and Psychology
Frameworks to know
Maslow (physiological, safety, belonging, esteem, self-actualization); Freud (id, ego, superego, and defense mechanisms such as denial, rationalization, projection, displacement, repression, regression, and sublimation); Erikson (psychosocial stages); Rogers (person-centered: genuineness, unconditional positive regard, accurate empathy); and family systems (roles, boundaries, coalitions). The arrangement conference is a counseling opportunity, but the funeral director is not a psychotherapist.
Special situations
Crisis intervention principles; suicide risk (ask directly, do not leave the person alone, refer immediately); substance abuse; suspected abuse; children's understanding of death at different developmental stages; severe mental illness; and complicated grief. Know when and how to refer, and document the referral.
Traps
- Transference vs. countertransference. Transference is the client's feelings projected onto the director; countertransference is the director's own feelings intruding.
- Treating Kübler-Ross's stages as linear, mandatory, or prescriptive - they are descriptive, not a checklist.
- Confusing sympathy (feeling for) with empathy (understanding with).
- Attempting a diagnosis; that exceeds the funeral director's role and training.
- Labeling all defense mechanisms as pathological; many are normal and adaptive.
Rule of thumb
Listen more than you talk, reflect both feeling and content, and refer when the response required exceeds your training. When in doubt, ask: Is this a question I am qualified to answer, or a person I should help reach someone who is?